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January, 2008


Traffic Swarm For Writers

Dear Author, You Are An Idiot!
And your writing stinks too
By  A. B. Curtiss

Online wolves with nothing better to do with their time or frustrated wannabes?
I could hardly wait until my first review appeared on amazon.com. But my excitement soon turned to rude shock. Ouch! As the author of nine books I was used to letters from readers who said nice things like, "Your book saved my life," or "Thank you for writing this." Nobody had prepared me for insults!

I'm not alone. No author can escape the malign of the amateur critics whose time has come. Before Amazon.com, those who didn't take a fancy to something you said didn't go to the trouble of tracking you down to tell you so.

The ease of firing off a sentence or two on the Web without having to put pen to paper or stamp to envelope has spawned a whole new species of vilipendious critics just itching to vent their spleen on the great American novel.

If you think junkyard dogs are mean, just go write yourself a book. Get yourself a literary agent, sell your book to a publisher, then sit yourself down at your computer and get ready for the abuse that's about to be poured upon your head – even if you've written a bestseller.

Tom Clancy's 168 reviews for Patriot Games fairly explode with enthusiasm: "One of Clancy's best," "An intense thrill ride," "This book will keep you at the edge of your seat." Then reviewer Mr. Druitt (Munfordville, Kentucky) weighed in: "I have never expected too much from Tom Clancy Patriot Games is surely the most ridiculous novel written in many years, but its unintended hilarity almost redeems the insipid dialogue and flat characters." Thank you for sharing, Mr. Druitt!

Thanks to Amazon.com, everybody sees themselves as bona fide literary critics. On a bad hair day, any one of them can now skewer your ten-year authorial effort in five seconds, whether they've read it or not. Here's P. Burke's review of my book, Depression Is A Choice: "First off, since I haven't read the book (I refuse to pay for something that I can't even stand the title to), my review may be off-base." You think?

I'm a board-certified cognitive behavioural therapist. I wrote the book to help people get out of depression without drugs. Okay, not the greatest title, I admit. It was my publishers' choice. For my six-figure advance I figured I owed them. My preferred title was The Woman Who Traded Her Mind For A Green Frog. "Green Frog" is the name of a mind exercise that short circuits the negative feedback loop of a depressive thought pattern.

Depression Is A Choice received rave reviews like "brilliant and insightful," "a great book on overcoming depression," " . . . forever indebted and grateful to the author," "life saving," and even, "This book is the culminating healer of my lifelong depression." It also got "rancid," "dangerously imbalanced," and "ignorant premise," which I tried not to take personally.

Actually, it became easier not to take bad reviews personally after I read Crystal Sparks review (from Oklahoma) of The Holy Bible: New International Version: "I hate to say it, but I was rather disappointed with the storyline of this book." Huh?

Even Pulitzer Prize winners get their fair share of grief. Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid, by Douglas Hofstadter had 227 reviews: "Exceptional book," "You will find yourself sitting on such a mental high as you cannot yet imagine," "You will come away with an understanding of the underlying principles of intelligence, beauty, craft, logic, and universal principles of creation."

Can there be a negative review on such greatness of thought? Yes: "A mishmash of unrelated ideas. A waste of time. I read this book about 15 years ago. just remembering makes me nauseous for the time and effort it took me. I was younger, more naive, and I got engaged, I confess that. I had the time back then, I guess. Suffice to say I was a nerd with a lot of time on my hands."

Since amazon.com also allows comments on the reviews, Patrick M. Cloud decided to score a point for author Hofstadter on the back of his negative reviewer: " 'A nerd with a lot of time on my hands,' and apparently precious little comprehension in his head."

Once I got over the initial shock I started warming up to the bad reviews on Amazon.com, even my own. Especially my own! It's actually fun to read them aloud to disbelieving friends. Positive reviews alone, unleavened by a little dissenting vitriol are really rather boring – like American Idol without Simon Cowell.

Most importantly, bad reviews help authors in a unique way. In my own case, incessant attacks on the idea of conquering depression without drugs just goes to prove the importance of my work. The very thing that turns a nay-sayer off is just the kind of help a lot of people are looking for, and the nay-sayer spotlights it.

Eagerly anticipating one's next bad review on Amazon.com may be an acquired taste. But I can hardly wait, because my new book, Brainswitch Out Of Depression has only good reviews so far. Bad reviews seem to be a necessary dynamic that make your book come alive.

With the range of bad reviews and good reviews, plus an occasional ludicrous one, you really can get a pretty good idea of what any book is like. Want to call me an idiot for developing a series of cognitive behaviour mind exercises that can get you out of depression without drugs? Go ahead. Make my day.

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A. B. Curtiss is a cognitive behavioural therapist and author of the book Brainswitch Out Of Depression. She can be reached at http://www.abcurtiss.com

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Whose Books Are Turning Into Movies?
Bald Ego
Mouse Over To Pause

Writer’s Block
The path to inspiration starts
Upon the trails we’ve known;
Each writer’s block is not a rock,
But just a stepping stone.

Poetry Is Not
Penned to the page
Waiting for us to admire.
It is only a lonely thought
Caught by tears on fire.

Silent Echoes
A quiet rhyme upon a page
Is what a poet gives;
Some gentle words whispered in trust
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Bard From Deadlines
What makes a poem finally work
Is not the time it takes;
It’s how the poet used the muse
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Be Mused
The art and craft of poetry
Are not so far apart;
The craft comes from the cunning,
The rest comes from the heart.

Fine Vintage
Don’t plant your poem on the page
As though you’re hanging drapes;
It’s shape and flow should come and grow
Like wild summer grapes.

Getting It Write
Writers write what they know best,
Their passions, fears, and dreams;
Writers rarely write about
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It’s more than what it seems;
We write of our reality,
The one inside our dreams.

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The echo of a promise,
The thunder of a sigh,
The music of a memory,
A child asking why.

Letter Perfect
Twenty six symbols arranged on a page
Can send a soul to heaven or torment it with rage,
Can free a fragile world or hold it in its net--
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The jump from writing just for fun
To getting paid for it
Begins when you first realize
You know you’ll never quit.

Pegasus
It is not the magic of his wings
That sets us free from our bond.
It is the muse within ourselves
That lets our words lift us beyond.

Photo Poet
Consider your mind the darkroom,
Consider your life the lens,
Consider your eye the camera
On whose focus the poem depends.

Rising Moon
A poem is a rising moon
Shining on the sea,
An afterglow of all we know,
Of all we hope to be.

Star Light
Writing a poem,
Reaching a star,
In making good art
We find who we are.

Spider Web
A poem is a spider web
Spun with words of wonder,
Woven lace held in place
By whispers made of thunder.

Re-Verse
The final draft upon the screen,
At last my poem’s through;
A verse of only four short lines--
I rewrote twenty-two!

Read All Of Charles Ghigna's Poetry at FatherGoose.com


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